Values
Values represent and define the kind of person you want to be and what is important to you. One strategy for starting to clarify your values is to imagine witnessing your own funeral. Ask yourself if you were observing your own funeral, what would you want the people you love to say about you?
- What would you want your life to be about?
- What do you want to stand for?
- In an ideal situation, what would you want most to hear about yourself?
- What kind of partner do you want to be? (For example: being spontaneous, appreciative, affectionate, accepting, emotionally available, expressive, assertive)
- What kind of friend? (For example: being loyal, consistent, reliable, genuine, supportive, honest)
- What kind of coworker/boss/colleague? (For example: being fair, open, flexible, curious)
- What kind of parent do you want to be? (For example: being nurturing, patient, accepting, supportive, loving, non-judgmental)
- What kind of person do you want to be when you feel angry, with your partner, with your parent, with your friend? (compassionate, assertive, expressive, vulnerable, kind)
- What kind of person do you want to be when you feel sad?
- How do you want to be with yourself and with others when you feel inadequate or insecure? (persistent, self-disciplined, compassionate, productive, kind)
Values are like a compass they guide your direction, but they are not the destination.
Values are freely chosen: This means that your values are not based on rules that you have about yourself, others, the world, relationships, or about how you “should be”, but rather they are freely chosen and represent your deeply held beliefs. They reflect the kind of person you want to be, what you want to stand for and what you find important in life.
Values are not emotions or thoughts. Feeling less anxious, feeling happier, or more confident is not a value. These are emotional states. Emotional states come and go just like the weather in the sky changes. Values are a way of being in the world. Thoughts and feelings come and go just like the whether changes, but values are consistent. They are not contingent on external circumstances and limitations.
Our values are not contingent on a particular outcome. For example if your value is to be assertive and you set a limit with a friend, your friend’s’ reaction to you setting a boundary may not feel good and might not be an ideal reaction, but you still took a step that brought you closer to being more assertive.
- Thoughts, feelings, sensations are out of your control.
- Other people’s responses are out of your control.
- Your behaviors and your values are always under your control.
Taking deliberate steps that bring you closer to the kind of person you want to be is always under your control. This means staying connected in the present moment and in the process. Values are not a means to an end they are the end. They are not the destination they are the journey. Remembering that it’s not just the end goal, but the process of how you approach it. Did you reach your goal while staying consistent with your values and the kind of person you want to be? If you were unable to reach your goal, were you able to stay consistent with the kind of person you want to be?
Taking this path is not easy. Sometimes taking steps in a particular direction will bring up intense and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings about ourselves. These thoughts and feelings about ourselves will try to stop us from doing new behaviors and taking the steps that bring you towards your values.
Values motivate us towards behavioral change. The clearer we are about our values and what we want to stand for in our life, the better informed choices we are able to make in the present moment.
Values are not tangible and they are not achievable. Meaning you can never be 100% honest, authentic, loving, kind. You can only be taking steps that bring you closer or further away honesty. Every moment is a choice that brings us further away or closer to the kind of person we want to be. We will never be that person 100%, but sometimes we can be 95% closer, or 80% closer, or 75% closer. Values guide our present moment choices and guide us in the direction we want to go.
Values vs. goals: goals are tangible you can reach a goal, but values are a constant work in progress – every moment in life provides you with an opportunity to engage in a behavior that brings you closer to particular value or further away. Closer to the kind of person you want to be and the kind of relationship you want or further away from a particular direction.
Examples of Values: (values are active, how you want to be, like being loving, being kind)
- Kind
- Assertive
- Spontaneous
- Genuine
- Loving
- Patient
- Humorous
- Honest
- Self-disciplined
- Consistent
- Reliable
- Flexible
- Sensual
- Appreciative
- Expressive
- Vulnerable
- Sensitive
- Compassionate
- Fair
- Forgiving
Goals vs. Values
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), distinguishing between goals and values is crucial for personal development and psychological flexibility. Values are chosen life directions that are deeply personal and reflect what is most important to us. They are ongoing, dynamic, and never fully achieved; rather, they guide our behavior over the course of our lives. Goals, on the other hand, are specific, achievable tasks that serve as stepping stones towards living in accordance with our values. They are concrete actions we can take to manifest our values in our daily lives. Understanding and aligning goals with values can significantly enhance one’s sense of fulfillment and well-being.
Values vs. Goals in ACT
- Values are like a compass that guides us through life. They represent our heart’s deepest desires for how we want to behave as human beings, how we want to relate to the world around us, our friends, family, and ourselves. Values are freely chosen and can evolve over time based on our experiences and insights.
- Goals are the specific steps we take to live out those values. They are measurable, tangible, and achievable objectives that can be ticked off a list. Goals are the milestones that indicate we are moving in the direction of our values.
Examples of Values and Corresponding Goals
- Value: Being Appreciative
- Goal: Make it a point to say “thank you” every time my partner makes dinner and to give at least one genuine compliment daily.
- Value: Being Assertive
- Goal: Practice saying “no” without feeling guilty, say “let me think about it” to any new requests, ask for help when needed, and express discomfort or dissatisfaction in a respectful manner.
- Value: Being Vulnerable
- Goal: Share a personal fear or emotion with a trusted friend or family member, initiate a difficult conversation when feeling emotional distress, and reach out for help or support when feeling overwhelmed.
The Role of Values in Motivation and Action
Research in psychology, particularly within the framework of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), has extensively explored the role of values in driving motivation and guiding action. Values, as enduring beliefs about what is important in life, serve as a foundational component in shaping our behaviors, decisions, and the pursuit of personal goals. This body of research underscores the significance of values as a source of motivation, providing insights into how they can be effectively harnessed to foster meaningful action and enhance overall well-being.
Values as a Source of Motivation
Values are not just abstract concepts; they are deeply embedded in our psychological makeup and play a crucial role in motivating behavior. According to ACT, values are chosen qualities of purposive action that can never be fully attained like a destination, but rather are to be lived out moment by moment. This perspective is supported by research indicating that when individuals act in ways that are congruent with their values, they experience higher levels of motivation, engagement, and satisfaction. For instance, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who pursued goals aligned with their personal values reported greater well-being and less internal conflict, compared to those pursuing less congruent goals.
Values Clarification and Goal Achievement
The process of values clarification—identifying and understanding one’s values—is a critical step in translating values into actionable goals. Research has shown that individuals who have a clear understanding of their values are more likely to set goals that are in alignment with these values, thereby increasing the likelihood of achieving them. A study in the field of positive psychology demonstrated that values clarification exercises could significantly enhance goal-setting processes, leading to actions that are more consistent with one’s ideal self-concept.
Values and Psychological Flexibility
ACT emphasizes psychological flexibility, the ability to adapt to changing circumstances while maintaining behavior that is consistent with one’s values. Research supports the idea that values-driven action contributes to psychological flexibility, enabling individuals to navigate life’s challenges more effectively. A meta-analysis published in Clinical Psychology Review highlighted the positive correlation between psychological flexibility and mental health outcomes, suggesting that values clarification and commitment are key components of therapeutic interventions aimed at enhancing flexibility.
The Impact of Values on Resilience and Well-being
Values not only motivate action but also play a pivotal role in resilience and well-being. Engaging in value-consistent behavior has been linked to resilience in the face of adversity, as it provides a sense of purpose and direction during difficult times. Furthermore, a longitudinal study in the Journal of Research in Personality found that adherence to personal values over time was associated with increased life satisfaction and reduced stress, underscoring the importance of values as stabilizing forces that contribute to long-term well-being.
How the Bay Area CBT Center Can Help
At the Bay Area CBT Center, we understand the importance of aligning your life with your core values to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life. Our individualized therapy sessions are designed to help you clarify your values, set and achieve meaningful goals, and develop the psychological flexibility to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace. Whether you’re struggling with life transitions, relationship issues, or personal growth, our experienced therapists can provide the support and guidance you need.
- Individualized Therapy: Tailored sessions that focus on your unique values and goals.
- Goal Setting: Assistance in defining clear, actionable goals that align with your values.
- Values Clarification: Exercises and discussions to help you identify and prioritize your core values.
- Psychological Flexibility: Strategies to help you adapt to change, cope with stress, and make value-driven decisions.
To embark on a journey towards a more values-aligned life, click here to book an appointment online. At the Bay Area CBT Center, we can help you clarify your values and lead a more fulfilling life. We offer individualized therapy that provides the tools you need to reach your goals and improve your well-being. To learn more about how we can help, you can click here to book an appointment online. We have office locations in both San Francisco and Oakland.
