Is Social Media Damaging our Relationships?

Bay Area CBT Center

September 30, 2015

Table of Contents

The excitement you feel when your social media post is “liked,” or otherwise validated, is due to the release of dopamine in your brain, which is also released during sex or a delicious meal. Increasingly, our brains are becoming conditioned and rewired to associate this boost of happiness with our online behaviors like social media, online games, email or aimless surfing.

Unsurprisingly, this leads to a host of emotional and social problems. But how serious is our dependency on mobile internet and social media, and what can we do to live with it in peace?

How Pervasive is Internet Addiction?

Internet addiction affects nearly 6 percent of the global population. Symptoms of online addiction include anxiety, depression, euphoric feelings around devices, lost sense of time, weight gain and the avoidance of work. It also has serious ramifications for those in romantic relationships. Excessive usage of Twitter and Facebook has been linked to cheating, breakups and divorce, often rooted in conflicts over time spent on these platforms.

How Do We Get Hooked?

Healthy self-soothing behaviors such as exercising, reading, or meditating help us build effective coping strategies in the long run . Avoidance behaviors are automatic behaviors that we do in order to try to get rid of distressing emotions such as boredom, insecurity, loneliness, shame, hurt, or uncertainty. These behaviors usually make us feel better in the moment, but lead to more pain in the long run.

Avoidance behaviors are short term solutions to long term problems and end up exacerbating our pain in the long run. These behaviors may include include drinking, drug use, isolating, internet addiction, yelling, overeating, gossiping, and many others. Since similar chemicals are released when you get a “like” on Facebook and when you take drugs, many are turning to using the internet and social media as a way to escape negative feelings, like boredom or loneliness.

However, when we don’t cope with those feelings, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to better our lives. People who are able to tolerate uncomfortable emotions have more behavioral flexibility, they are better creative problem solvers, and are more likely to engage in adaptive coping responses such as reaching out to friends or make new acquaintances.

Online Identity Confusion

Beyond this addictive chemical reaction, another key issue with heavy internet use is in users identifying more with online identities than real life. Online, you my find it easy to frame your life as one of total fulfillment, and it’s likely many in your network are doing the same. Because of this, it’s often easier to interact online, as it is simple to avoid awkward or vulnerable moments that reveal our insecurities and problems.

And there’s evidence that this is leading to an increasing preference to online interactions over those in real life. According to one study, one in four spend more time on social media than in real-life social situations, and as many as 11 percent of adults prefer to spend a weekend communicating online than socializing.

When Social Media Makes us Feel Bad About Ourselves

Beyond their addictive properties, there are many occasions where social media, in particular makes us feel bad. My clients frequently tell me that Facebook makes them sad, and research bares this out. According to a sturdy from the University of Michigan, the more participants used Facebook, the worse they felt. This, researchers said, is likely due to social comparisons. You most likely have experienced social comparisons when looking your social network’s glamorous photos, happy messages and feel your own life pales in comparison. Repeated exposure to these comparisons can lead to unhealthy beliefs about our self worth.

How to Use the Internet Mindfully

Though there are serious concerns, there’s no need to cancel your social media accounts or throw your cell phone in a lake. There are ways to live mindfully with the internet. We can enjoy its benefits without it draining us of our self-esteem and free time. Try these tips today to live with the internet in peace:
Track the amount of time you spend on social media and in real-life interactions.
Call a friend. Even if you haven’t spoken to this person in months, ask to spend some time together.
Make a point of silencing your mobile device when around your friends.
Pay attention to how often you pull out your mobile device out of necessity, and how often out of impulse, or urge. Note the emotions you experience.
Note the overall purpose of your social/mobile usage. What are you trying to accomplish with each post, text or interaction? Ask yourself if the message feels genuine.
What do you value in your relationships?
Are you behaving authentically—like you would in-person—or are you trying to put on a good face?
Limit how frequently you check your email and phone.

After you recognize which parts of your connected life make you feel good, and which make you feel bad, you’ll feel more confident in cutting out the latter. You’ll begin to feel more power over your device, rather than the other way around.

The Benefits of Mindful Social Media Use

In today’s digitally connected world, social media is a double-edged sword. While it offers unparalleled opportunities for staying connected with friends and family, accessing news, and engaging with communities of interest, it also presents significant challenges to mental health and well-being.

The key to harnessing the positive aspects of social media, while mitigating its potential negatives, lies in mindful usage and recognizing the benefits of a social media detox. Being mindful with social media involves intentional, aware, and non-judgmental engagement with these platforms. Here are some of the benefits of adopting a mindful approach to social media use, including periodic detoxes:

1. Enhanced Well-being

Mindful social media use can lead to improved mental health and overall well-being. By consciously choosing when and how to engage with social media, individuals can avoid the pitfalls of comparison, envy, and the feeling of inadequacy that often accompany unchecked scrolling. Mindfulness encourages a focus on positive content and interactions that uplift and inspire, rather than those that lead to negative emotions. Incorporating social media detoxes further amplifies these benefits, providing a break from digital stressors and promoting real-world connections.

2. Reduced Anxiety and Stress

The constant barrage of notifications and the pressure to be always “on” can lead to heightened anxiety and stress. Mindful use of social media means setting boundaries around how often and in what contexts you engage with these platforms. This can include designated times for checking social media, turning off notifications, or even taking regular digital detoxes. Such practices help in reducing the constant sense of urgency and the stress associated with fear of missing out (FOMO), offering a clearer perspective during detox periods.

3. Improved Focus and Productivity

Mindless scrolling can be a significant time sink and distraction, undermining productivity and the ability to focus on tasks at hand. By being mindful of the time spent on social media and engaging in periodic detoxes, individuals can reclaim their time and direct their attention more effectively towards their goals and tasks. This not only boosts productivity but also enhances the quality of work and leisure time.

4. Deeper Connections

Although social media provides a platform for wide-reaching connections, these interactions can often be superficial. Mindful social media use encourages more meaningful engagement with content and deeper interactions with others. By being selective about whom you follow and interact with, and by choosing to engage in more thoughtful and meaningful ways, you can foster deeper connections and more fulfilling relationships. Social media detoxes can also remind us of the value of face-to-face interactions, strengthening bonds with those around us.

5. Increased Self-awareness

Engaging with social media mindfully allows for greater self-reflection and awareness. It encourages users to question why they are reaching for their phone or logging into a platform. Is it out of habit, boredom, or genuine interest? This self-awareness can lead to a better understanding of one’s needs and behaviors, promoting healthier choices both online and offline. Detox periods can further enhance this self-awareness, offering insights into how social media affects our mood and productivity.

6. Greater Control Over Your Digital Footprint

Mindful use of social media involves being thoughtful about what you share, post, and engage with. This not only protects your privacy and security but also ensures that your digital footprint aligns with your personal values and how you wish to be perceived by others. Periodic detoxes provide an opportunity to reassess and adjust our online presence, ensuring it reflects our true selves.

Conclusion

Adopting a mindful approach to social media, complemented by the benefits of social media detox, is not about renunciation but about engaging with these powerful tools in a way that serves you, rather than diminishes you. By being mindful, you can enjoy the benefits of connectivity, information, and community that social media offers, without falling prey to its potential drawbacks. The journey towards mindful social media use and detox is a personal one, but its benefits are universal, leading to a more balanced, productive, and fulfilling digital life.

Get Help Now!

Matching Consult

Book a call

Insight Quizzes

Find Clarity and Growth!

take Quizzes

Immersive Therapy

Neuroplasticity Exercises

Browse Exercises

Therapy Matching Quiz

Discover Your Ideal Type of Therapy!

Start Quiz

Schema Treatment: Comprehensive Guide & Techniques

A yellow sticky note with "Communication skills" and "Understanding Needs" written above two outline drawings of human heads, placed on a wooden desk with a pen and office supplies nearby.

Effective NVC Communication: Understanding Needs and Wants

An illustration of a person meditating cross-legged with a smaller, similar figure meditating inside their torso, set against a colorful background, symbolizing the transformative power of reparenting techniques.

Reparenting: Techniques, Benefits, and Principles

A child sits on the floor, covering her face and clutching a teddy bear, hinting at hidden struggles. In the background, a man and woman sit back-to-back on a couch, both looking away, as if silently echoing the unspoken impact revealed by an ACE Childhood Trauma Test.

Understanding the ACE Childhood Trauma Test to Assess Your Health Risks

A couple sits on a couch, looking pensive, while a person with a clipboard from the Bay Area CBT Center is seated opposite them.

Bay Area CBT Center Expands Marriage Counseling Services to Los Angeles

Two people sit on a sofa in a cozy living room, engaged in conversation about DBT therapy techniques. One writes notes in a notebook on the coffee table. A potted plant adds tranquility to the scene, complemented by shelves of decor.

Best DBT Therapy Techniques According to a San Francisco Therapist

A couple sits on a sofa with their young child, discussing better relationships with a person taking notes nearby. The scene appears to be a casual family consultation.

Is Your Partner Avoidantly Attached? Try Couples Therapy in Los Angeles for Healing

In a bright room with potted plants and sunlight streaming through the window, two people engage in conversation. One sits on a gray sofa, while the other holds a pen and clipboard, discussing Bay Area Cognitive Behavioral Therapy treatment offerings.

Bay Area Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Center Expands Treatment Offerings with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

In a cozy Los Angeles office with plants and soft lighting, a couple sits across from a counselor. Engaged in conversation, they explore their journey through couples therapy to rediscover each other as lovers rather than just roommates.

Couples Therapy in Los Angeles for Feeling More Like Roommates Than Lovers

A woman gestures while talking to a seated man, as another woman listens intently, taking notes—an insightful moment exploring common schemas in couples therapy.

The Most Common Schemas We See in Couples Therapy in Los Angeles

San Francisco Therapy

Frequently Asked Questions

What is evidence-based therapy?

Evidence-based therapy involves interventions that are scientifically proven to be effective for particular issues. In this approach, a strong partnership based on trust and collaboration is formed between you and your therapist. Within this supportive and unbiased environment, you can freely express yourself without fear of judgment. Over a series of sessions, you and your therapist will work together to address obstacles and set goals aimed at personal growth and fulfillment. This method ensures that the techniques and strategies used are not only supportive but also empirically validated to help you achieve your therapeutic goals.

Who do we work with?

The Bay Area CBT Center provides therapy services for everyone, from children to adults, and welcomes individuals, couples, and groups. We help with various concerns like anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship issues, and behavior challenges. We value diversity and cultural differences, offering personalized and culturally sensitive care to each client.

Why is it so important to find the right therapist?

Studies show that the bond between you and your therapist, known as the therapeutic alliance, is a key factor in treatment success. This alliance is characterized by the strength of your relationship and how well you both agree on treatment goals. Research indicates that individuals with a solid therapeutic alliance experience better treatment outcomes including greater productivity at work, more satisfying relationships, improved stress management, and decreased engagement in risky behaviors.

What should I expect from the matching appointment?

You can expect a 15-30 minute phone call with our care coordinator, who is extensively trained in ensuring the perfect match for you. During this conversation, our matching expert will collaborate with you to understand your therapy needs, preferences, and scheduling availability. This discussion builds upon the information you provided during sign-up and offers an opportunity for you to address any personal questions or concerns you may have about therapy or our services at The Bay Area CBT Center. Following your conversation, we’ll pair you with the therapist who best aligns with your needs, goals, and preferences.

When will I be matched to a Therapist?

At your matching appointment, we will match you with a therapist specifically chosen for you and schedule your first session. Depending on your availability, you can expect to meet your therapist anywhere from one day to a week after this appointment.

Do you provide in-person or virtual therapy?

Our approach to therapy includes a flexible hybrid model, blending both online and face-to-face sessions. This option is perfect for clients situated close to our clinics in the Bay Area who prefer the flexibility of choosing between virtual consultations or meeting their therapist in person. Our aim with hybrid care is to ensure every client is matched with the ideal therapist and therapy environment, be it from the convenience of your own home or in one of our clinics.

Do you accept insurance?

At the Bay Area CBT Center, we accept PPO insurance plans that allow you to use out-of-network providers. This means if your insurance plan is a PPO and it includes mental health benefits, you could get back some or all of the money you pay for our services, depending on what your insurance company allows. When you see one of our therapists, they’ll give you a superbill. You can send this superbill to your insurance company to ask for reimbursement. If you’re not sure if your insurance covers services from providers not in their network, it’s a good idea to give them a call and check.

You may be eligible to have 60-80% of your costs covered by out-of-network benefits.

Also, if you have an FSA (Flexible Spending Account), you can usually use it to pay for individual counseling sessions. It’s wise to double-check with your FSA provider or talk to your accountant to make sure that counseling sessions are considered an allowed expense.