Words that bring you closer, not further apart.
A complete set of printable worksheets to help couples communicate with honesty, empathy, and care using the Nonviolent Communication framework.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg, is a way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart. It helps us connect with what is alive in ourselves and others, and make requests that enrich life. NVC is built on four simple components: Observation - Feeling - Need - Request.
When I observe ___________, I feel ___________, because I need ___________. Would you be willing to ___________?
When your needs are being met, you experience positive feelings. Use this list to expand your emotional vocabulary and identify what you are feeling with greater precision. The more specific you can be, the more your partner will understand your inner experience.
- Absorbed
- Affectionate
- Alert
- Amazed
- Amused
- Appreciative
- Aroused
- Astonished
- Awed
- Blissful
- Calm
- Centered
- Cheerful
- Clearheaded
- Comfortable
- Compassionate
- Confident
- Content
- Curious
- Delighted
- Eager
- Ecstatic
- Elated
- Empowered
- Encouraged
- Energetic
- Engaged
- Enthralled
- Enthusiastic
- Entranced
- Equanimity
- Excited
- Exhilarated
- Expectant
- Exuberant
- Fascinated
- Fulfilled
- Glad
- Grateful
- Happy
- Hopeful
- Inspired
- Interested
- Intrigued
- Invigorated
- Involved
- Joyful
- Lively
- Loving
- Mellow
- Moved
- Open
- Openhearted
- Optimistic
- Passionate
- Peaceful
- Playful
- Pleased
- Proud
- Refreshed
- Rejuvenated
- Relaxed
- Relieved
- Rested
- Restored
- Safe
- Satisfied
- Secure
- Serene
- Sexy
- Silly
- Stimulated
- Surprised
- Sympathetic
- Tender
- Thankful
- Thrilled
- Touched
- Tranquil
- Trusting
- Vibrant
- Warm
Difficult feelings are not problems to be solved - they are signals pointing to needs that matter to you. When you can name what you feel with precision, you give your partner a window into your inner world, and you give yourself the gift of self-understanding.
- Afraid
- Aggravated
- Agitated
- Agony
- Alarmed
- Alienated
- Aloof
- Ambivalent
- Angry
- Anguish
- Animosity
- Annoyed
- Anxious
- Apathetic
- Appalled
- Apprehensive
- Ashamed
- Baffled
- Beat
- Bereaved
- Bewildered
- Bored
- Burnt out
- Concerned
- Conflicted
- Confused
- Contempt
- Cranky
- Dazed
- Defeated
- Dejected
- Depleted
- Depressed
- Despair
- Desperate
- Despondent
- Detached
- Devastated
- Disappointed
- Disconcerted
- Disconnected
- Discouraged
- Disgruntled
- Disgusted
- Disheartened
- Dismayed
- Displeased
- Distant
- Distracted
- Distraught
- Distressed
- Disturbed
- Doubtful
- Drained
- Dread
- Edgy
- Embarrassed
- Enraged
- Envious
- Exasperated
- Exhausted
- Fatigue
- Fidgety
- Flummoxed
- Flustered
- Fragile
- Frantic
- Frazzled
- Frightened
- Frustrated
- Furious
- Gloomy
- Grief
- Guarded
- Guilty
- Heartbroken
- Heavy hearted
- Helpless
- Hesitant
- Hopeless
- Horrified
- Hostile
- Impatient
- Indifferent
- Indignant
- Inhibited
- Insecure
- Irate
- Irritable
- Irritated
- Isolated
- Jealous
- Jittery
- Leery
- Lethargic
- Listless
- Livid
- Lonely
- Longing
- Lost
- Melancholy
- Miserable
- Mistrustful
- Mortified
- Mournful
- Nervous
- Numb
- Outraged
- Overwhelmed
- Panicked
- Perplexed
- Perturbed
- Pessimistic
- Petrified
- Powerless
- Puzzled
- Rattled
- Regretful
- Remorseful
- Removed
- Repulsed
- Resentful
- Reserved
- Resigned
- Restless
- Sad
- Scared
- Self-conscious
- Sensitive
- Shaky
- Shocked
- Skeptical
- Startled
- Stressed
- Stuck
- Surprised
- Suspicious
- Tense
- Terrified
- Tired
- Torn
- Troubled
- Turbulent
- Turmoil
- Uncertain
- Uncomfortable
- Uneasy
- Uninterested
- Unnerved
- Unsettled
- Vulnerable
- Wary
- Weak
- Weary
- Withdrawn
- Worn out
- Worried
- Wretched
- Yearning
"I feel abandoned" implies someone abandoned you - it is a story about their behavior. Try instead: "I feel lonely and scared because I need connection and reassurance." The second version opens conversation; the first closes it.
- Abandoned
- Abused
- Attacked
- Belittled
- Betrayed
- Bullied
- Cheated
- Cornered
- Criticized
- Diminished
- Dismissed
- Disregarded
- Ignored
- Inadequate
- Incompetent
- Insulted
- Intimidated
- Invalidated
- Manipulated
- Minimized
- Misunderstood
- Neglected
- Patronized
- Provoked
- Rejected
- Taken for granted
- Threatened
- Tricked
- Unappreciated
- Uncared for
- Unheard
- Unimportant
- Unloved
- Unseen
- Unsupported
- Unwanted
- Used
- Violated
- Wronged
Needs are universal - every person on earth shares these fundamental human needs. In conflict, we are never fighting about the surface issue; we are trying to get our needs met. When you and your partner can name your needs clearly, empathy becomes possible. Circle the needs most alive in you right now.
- Balance
- Compassion
- Consistency
- Predictability
- Presence
- Privacy
- Reliability
- Respect / Self-Respect
- Rest
- Safety
- Security
- Stability
- Touch
- Trust
- Consciousness
- Consideration
- Contribution
- Cooperation
- Equality
- Fairness
- Mutuality
- Participation
- Reciprocity
- Acceptance
- Appreciation
- Challenge
- Effectiveness
- Growth
- Hope
- Meaning
- Praise
- Progress
- Purpose
- Reassurance
- To Know and Be Known
- To See and Be Seen
- To Matter
- Validation
- Authenticity
- Clarity
- Creativity
- Fun
- Honesty
- Humor
- Inspiration
- Integrity
- Passion
- Sexual Expression
- Transparency
- Affection
- Attention
- Awareness
- Belonging
- Celebration
- Closeness
- Communication
- Community
- Companionship
- Empathy
- Guidance
- Harmony
- Inclusion
- Intimacy
- Love
- Nurturing
- Support
- Tenderness
- Understanding
- Warmth
- Adventure
- Choice
- Discovery
- Freedom
- Independence
- Space
- Spontaneity
- Stimulation
Values are the qualities you most want to embody as a partner. Read through this list and circle or write down the ones that feel most true and important to you. Then share your top five with your partner. Notice where you overlap, and where you have different strengths you each bring to the relationship.
- Accepting
- Adventurous
- Altruistic
- Appreciative
- Assertive
- Attentive
- Attuned
- Available
- Committed
- Compassionate
- Composed
- Consistent
- Considerate
- Contributing
- Cooperative
- Curious
- Decisive
- Deliberate
- Dependable
- Determined
- Discerning
- Empathic
- Encouraging
- Engaged
- Expressive
- Fair
- Flexible
- Forgiving
- Forthright
- Generous
- Gentle
- Genuine
- Grateful
- Honest
- Humorous
- Independent
- Inquisitive
- Intentional
- Interdependent
- Kind
- Loving
- Loyal
- Mindful
- Patient
- Persistent
- Present
- Productive
- Punctual
- Reliable
- Respectful
- Romantic
- Self-Aware
- Self-Disciplined
- Sensual
- Sensitive
- Spontaneous
- Supportive
- Tactful
- Tenacious
- Trustworthy
- Understanding
- Validating
- Vulnerable