A free, anonymous self-assessment from therapists at Bay Area CBT Center. Not a diagnosis.
Take the Abandonment Issues Quiz
↓ See how fear of being left shows up
This free abandonment issues quiz has 25 statements about close relationships and takes about 5 minutes. You rate how often each one applies to you. You do not need to log in. At the end you get a profile across five areas, plus an overall level: mild, moderate, or high.
This is an educational abandonment self-assessment, not a diagnosis. It does not replace a professional evaluation with a licensed clinician. The questions ask what you actually do and feel when someone important pulls away, goes quiet, or becomes less available. You rate how often each statement fits you, one screen at a time.
Your results stay with you. The quiz does not collect identifying information. It gives you a starting point for self-reflection and a clearer sense of what to do next.
Abandonment issues are a persistent fear that people you care about will leave, lose interest, or stop being available. You might overanalyze a text, brace for a breakup that is not happening, or feel panicked when a reply is late.
Naming the pattern makes it easier to work with, in therapy or on your own. The related quizzes below, including the therapy matching quiz, are there when you want a next step.
The quiz is 25 statements about close relationships. You rate how often each one applies to you: Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, or Very Often. It takes about 5 minutes. It does not ask about body sensations.
Your result is a profile across five areas — fear of being left, need for reassurance, rejection sensitivity, relationship anxiety, and self-worth tied to others staying — plus an overall level of mild, moderate, or high. It is for self-reflection, not a diagnosis.
Each area is five statements. Your profile shows all five.
Worry that people you care about will eventually leave, panic at the thought of being abandoned, and expecting to be left even when a relationship feels stable. This is the abandonment schema: the expectation that love will not last.
Asking for proof that someone still cares, reaching out again when you feel uncertain, and finding it hard to give people space without feeling rejected.
A late text, a short reply, criticism, or being left out briefly landing as personal rejection.
Worry about whether important relationships will last, overanalyzing conversations, and rehearsing an ending when nothing is actually wrong.
Your sense of worth dropping when someone pulls away, staying because being alone feels unbearable, and believing people will leave once they see the real you.
No score here is good or bad. Everyone lands somewhere on abandonment sensitivity. The feedback tells you how strong the pattern is right now, how it shows up day to day, and when professional support would help.
You notice worry when people pull away, and you can usually reality-check it. Delayed replies and ordinary distance do not send you into a spiral. The abandonment schema is present and is not running the show. It can still spike around breakups, long-distance stretches, or a week when someone you depend on goes quiet.
The fear shows up regularly, especially with partners or close friends. You may reach out again and again, then pull back if you feel ignored or “too much.” A busy week can take over your attention. The swings are noticeable to you, and sometimes to the people around you.
The fear that people will leave shapes most of your decisions. You might cling, over-function, or people-please to keep people close. Or you cut off quickly so no one can hurt you first. Some people swing between both. A missing typing bubble, a distracted tone, or a friend who does not text back for a day can put the nervous system into full alarm.
The most useful next step at this level is working with a therapist who knows abandonment, attachment, and trauma. Start with small practices: grounding when you are triggered, noticing body cues before you act, and delaying big decisions while your nervous system is in alarm.
At Bay Area CBT Center, abandonment issues are a core belief, not a personality flaw. In schema therapy this is the abandonment schema: the expectation that the people you love will leave, pull away, or stop being there. It usually forms early, when a child’s need for a steady connection was not consistently met. It can also deepen after infidelity, a sudden breakup, ghosting, or traumatic loss.
We look at attachment history, nervous-system responses, and what is happening now with partners, friends, and family. Read more about how attachment styles connect to early maladaptive schemas and how attachment styles affect relationships.
Thoughts. “They are pulling away.” “I am too much.” “If I relax, they will disappear.” These arrive fast and feel like facts.
Feelings. Fear, jealousy, shame, anger, panic, or sudden hopelessness. A partner being busy for a day can feel as dire as a breakup threat.
Body. A tight chest or a racing heart can show up with this fear. This quiz does not ask about physical sensations. The questions stay with what you think, what you feel about the relationship, and what you do.
Urges. Checking the phone, rereading a message, sending one more text. Or the other direction: going cold, ignoring messages, ending it quickly. The goal is not to erase the fear. It is to keep the fear from choosing what you do.
Pattern domains
Many people recognize one of these patterns. Others move between them depending on the relationship, the stress, and how close they feel.
Not asking. Not checking. Just assuming the relationship is already over. You stay physically present and detach, rehearse the breakup, and scan for proof that confirms what you already believe.
It can look calm from the outside. Inside it is dread or a low hum of worry. The quiz asks how often you withdraw or prepare for loss instead of talking about it.
Texting again. Checking read receipts. Asking “Are we okay?” The relief is real and brief. The nervous system asks the same question: “Are you going to leave?” Reaching soothes the panic and does not touch the fear underneath.
Quiz items ask how often you reach, what triggers it, and how long the relief lasts.
Breaking up after one cold week. Picking a fight when things start to feel closer. Pushing someone away at the moment connection deepens, because closeness means there is more to lose. Leaving first feels like control.
It also trains the old belief: relationships do not last. The quiz asks whether you rehearse endings in your mind, not whether you leave first.
Worth can drop the moment someone pulls away. Being alone can feel unbearable, so you stay. Or you assume people will leave once they see the real you.
Five of the quiz statements ask about that tie between being chosen and how you feel about yourself.
Use the result as a map, not a verdict. Notice one or two questions that hit hardest. Write down a recent moment when the fear spiked: what you thought, what you felt in your body, and what you did next.
On your own, you can track triggers with our mental health exercises and settle the alarm with mindfulness practices. If you want therapy, bring the results to a first session so you are not starting from a blank page.
In session, the fear shows up in the room. You might worry you are too much, or that the therapist will lose interest. That reaction becomes a place to practice a different response. Work can include CBT and schema therapy for the beliefs that keep the fear in charge, and trauma-focused methods when early or complex trauma is part of the picture.
Related quizzes:
No. Informal online quizzes are not standardized clinical evaluations. No abandonment test or online quiz can diagnose a mental health condition, personality disorder, or attachment disorder. Results are for self-reflection and can help you decide whether to seek a full evaluation with a licensed clinician. Use your results as a starting point for a conversation, not a label.
This quiz is useful if:
The quiz is designed for adults and older teens. Younger teens should take it with a parent, guardian, or therapist.
Yes. Early inconsistent caregiving often lays the groundwork, and abandonment patterns can also form after adult experiences: infidelity, sudden breakups, ghosting, divorce, or traumatic loss. Fear of abandonment often stems from early experiences of loss, and the body also learns from repeated experiences in adulthood. Your reactions are worth taking seriously even if you cannot point to a dramatic origin story.
They overlap, and they are not identical. Attachment style is a broad pattern of how you relate in close relationships: anxious, avoidant, secure, or disorganized. Abandonment issues focus on one specific fear, that people you rely on will leave. Attachment theory describes the broader framework. The abandonment schema is one specific belief within it. Someone with an anxious attachment style is more likely to score high on abandonment sensitivity, and not everyone with insecure attachment has the abandonment schema as their primary issue.
A few practical things you can do:
It is not your job to be your partner's therapist. A professional can help both people.
Consider reaching out when:
Therapy can address abandonment and attachment patterns directly. Reach out for a consultation at Bay Area CBT Center or with another qualified provider in your area.
After this quiz, the related quizzes on this page cover relationship schemas, complex trauma, limerence, trust, trauma bonding, and which kind of therapy fits. Each one adds a different piece. None of them is a diagnosis.
If your results point to fear of being left, reassurance-seeking, or repeating unstable relationship cycles you want to understand more deeply, reach out to our team to explore therapy, coaching, or consultation options.
INNOVATIVE THERAPY
Explore our innovative matching experience, designed to identify the best type of therapy for you through a unique quiz. Once you’ve completed the quiz, we’ll connect you with the therapist or coach who perfectly suits your individual needs—all at no cost.
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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. You could say we wrote the books on it.
