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Bay Area CBT Center · Worksheet

Values Check

Most reactions make sense in the moment and still take you somewhere you didn’t want to go. This worksheet holds one moment up against your values and asks a single question: did what I did move me toward the person I want to be, or away from them? Not to judge the behavior — to see the gap clearly enough that you have a choice next time.

How to use this

  1. Pick one specific moment — not a general pattern.
  2. Answer honestly. A “no” isn’t a failure; it’s the most useful entry on the page.
  3. Values are how you want to act, not goals you achieve. Honest is a value; get him to apologize is not.
  4. Print it, save it as a PDF, or email a copy to yourself when you’re done.
Version:

Entry 1

1

The trigger

What happened, right before everything shifted? Just the facts a camera would have caught — who said or did what, where, when. Keep it to one specific moment rather than a whole week.

2

Schema triggered

Which old lens did this moment click into? A schema is a belief about yourself and others formed long before this situation — when it fires, part of your reaction belongs to something older. Pick the closest one, then note what it was telling you in that moment.

3

Behavior — what did you do?

What you actually did, out loud and in the world. I sent four texts. I went silent for two days. I said yes when I meant no. I brought up something from a year ago. Shutting down and saying nothing counts as a behavior.

4

Was this behavior consistent with your values?

Values are directions, not outcomes — how you want to treat yourself and other people, whether or not it works. Ask it plainly: if someone I respect had watched me do that, would it look like the person I want to be? Answer for the behavior only, not for whether your feelings were justified. They usually were.

Choose yes or no above and the next question will appear.

5

Which values was it consistent with?

Name what you were being, not what you got. Tap any that fit and add your own words below — which value did this behavior protect or express? Noticing this matters as much as catching the misses; it tells you what you already do well under pressure.

Tap any that apply:

5

Which values did it move you away from?

Name the value the behavior cost you — the thing you’d have wanted to stand for in that moment. Honesty, patience, self-respect, connection. This is information, not a verdict on you.

Tap any that apply:

6

What could you have done differently?

Write the version of this moment that would have been consistent with those values — specific enough to actually do. Not “stay calm,” but “say I need twenty minutes, then come back to it.” Assume the same trigger, the same schema firing, the same feelings. The feelings don’t have to change for the behavior to.

7

What was the outcome?

What actually happened after — in the situation, with the other person, and inside you? Short-term and longer-term can point opposite directions: relief in the moment, cost by the next morning. Write both if that’s what happened.

Your privacy. Everything you type stays in your own browser. Nothing is sent to Bay Area CBT Center and nothing is stored on our servers. Your entries are saved on this device only, so you can come back and finish later — use Clear all to erase them. If you email yourself a copy, that email travels through your own mail provider. This worksheet is an educational tool and is not therapy, a diagnosis, or a substitute for care.